So I just thought I'd introduce myself. I'm Dalia, i'm 17 and I've had an EDNOS since I was about 14, mostly where I obsessed about food, and I would go for periods where I ate nothing, and then where I would binge, so I never really lost or gained weight noticably. However, in the last few months, I have started to think my EDNOS has turned into anorexia as I am losing the previous tendencies i had to binge, and now just can't eat food anymore, and I decided to join here to gain support from other girls in a similar situation. I just feel like I need people to talk to that can understand this irrational fear of eating, and the range of emotions that goes along with it. For me, I need to lose more weight to feel better about myself - I can't even explain the horrible feelings I get after binging, not necessarily because of the fact I put on weight, but because I lost control, that is just the most awful feeling, and I just want support so that I never have to feel like that if I can avoid it. I am hoping to make friends, so if anyone is interested, please just talk to me :) thanks for reading this if you did

I want a new body, one to start fresh from. I want a clean slate. I can't take it anymore. I lost like 18lbs then gained some back and now I'm 126. I feel so fat, so gross. I wish I could sleep for a week, no eating or having the worry about my weight, because when I would wake up, I would lose tons. I want to fast, but cannot. My family is always watching, my doctors visit is on the 31st and I weigh so much... I was doing so well... And now my hard work has just given me back my fat. Eff me, Eff my life, Eff my body.
I apologize for rambling... I just needed to get it out...

I've been down on myself lately, and I've noticed some of you seem to be too, so i thought it was time for some positive reinforcement...

a little motivation for all of us who are fasting. it's one of my favorite quotes:

"Shoot for the moon; even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."

think of this and try not to stress too much, if you didn't quite make it through the day without eating.
Most of us here shoot for lofty goals in our weight loss and eating plans.
but just think:
sure, maybe you felt bad that you caved and had an extra snack, or ate more than you wanted

but the recommended daily intake for the average person is 1200 - 2000 calories per day,
and if you ended up with a 500 calorie day instead of 0, that's still at least 700 calories that you didn't eat that your body was hopin' for.

so cheer up! and cheer yourself on a bit;  we aspire to do so much, we're nearly guaranteed success!

 So, I have decided that I'm not going to fast anymore. After all, I'm 103 pounds, I don't really wish to be any lower. 100lbs would be nice, but it isn't exactly essential to me. 
I have found that fasting is just going to lead me to binging at night when my parents make me eat dinner. If I eat low cal and small through the day, then I won't eat and eat and eat.
So I'll just be restricting.

I've also set up an award system for myself. If I do well with maintaining my weight and don't binge, I will allow myself a $40 allowance at the end of the week, and a long hot bath with all the bath stuff I got for Christmas and a book! If I DO binge, and gain weight, I will lower my allowance, and punish myself with extreme amounts of exercise. This also goes for grades and homework when I start school.

Do you girls have a reward system set up for yourselves?

I just discovered that I weigh the same amount as my boyfriend. We are the same height and he is almost pure muscle, except for a bit of a belly. I feel physically sick. How can he possibly stand to be with me. Motivationfor me I guess but still.

Liquid fast starts tomorrow.

Hello :)

My plan for tomorrow is a nice long lie in, then have a bath, use the Wii fit and play bass. (Not all at once!)

Food wise, I'll be on liquids.

What is everyone planning on doing tomorrow?

i deleted my other entry because it was just whiney, and i realise i need to stop posting those. but when i did it showed a picture of a goat eating paper. lol, that just made me laugh so hard. i'm such a weirdo.

anyway,
i'm watching Truelife: I Can't Stay Thin.
and the guy on here basically is living the life i wish i could.
he lives alone,
doesn't talk to his family or friends,
hardly leaves his house,
doesn't have a job,
only eats 200-400 cals a day,
and he's lost like 150 pounds or something like that.

i realise he has issues keeping his goal weight, hence why he's on the show.
but still, i wish i could live like that.
is that bad?
that's probably a sign i've gone insane.
i'm unbelievably motivated at the moment though.
i should have thought to record this episode.

xx.

Hey, are any of you on Color Guard?
I don't know what it's officially called, but we call it Flag Line
Just curious.

food is posion

i cant eat anymore
must not eat, must not eat, must not eat.

im to fat. my legs n arms n belly wobble. i have a fucking muffin top for god sake.. my rowing machine arrives tomorrow i will use it all day.
i need to lose 30lb.. i maanged to lose 25 in a month, surey i can lose another 30lb in a month??

if I can get to 150 at least i wont wobble so much..

starting abc tomorrow. can anyoen recommend me diet pills?

i received a coach bag from an aunt yesterday for christmas without a gift receipt or anything and i don't really like it so i'm trying to figure out what it is so i can sell it on ebay/wherever. i looked on the website and didn't find this exact one, so i'm hoping someone here can help identify it for me!

( two pictures )

FML

I ate 7 crackers - 120 cal (roughly)
3 pieces of fudge - 200 cal?
2 organic ginger ales - 140 cal
1 SpecialK bar - 90 cal

Total: 490 fuckin calories. God.. I'm sick and weak but I'm gonna go to the bookstore and burn some calories, try and keep my mind off food. I like books. Maybe I'll allow a starbucks coffee to keep me awake or a 10 cal redbull.

I must keep going!
If anyone wants a texting buddy or anything. (US resident) or got msn? lemme know.

I decided that this x-mas, it'd be only me and my bf.
Neither of us is christian so we don't really celebrate christmas, although we had a "good" dinner.
I think I had a fairly lovely christmas, apart from all the food it involved.
I have no idea how much the calorie intake has been for this christmas, and I don't want to know.

On lighter notes, to redeem myself, I went on a liquid fast.
It's almost 22:00 in the evening here, and so far I've had nothingm which is great.
I think the remainder of the year and next year will be a success,
I am going to buy a gym card and start going to the gym
(I've been savong up money for a while for  that)
I will restrict more, and break up my restricting with liquid fasts

I think this time, I might actually make it back on track  

As always, feel free to add me on msn if you want : teresa_njardvik9@hotmail.com

:(
I'm starting to feel real hungry though, but it doesnt really matter since there is absolutely nothing to eat in the kitchen

well my bestfriend
moved away today...
my best friend i was always in love with
and she even knew and she secretly was always in love with me...
im in arkansas shes in north carolina...
i miss her and feel so empty ;(

I'm finally back in my student house after an awful Christmas with the family.

I've just binged and purged on a load of xmas sweets as all my emotions came out now that i'm on my own. I officially fail.

Tomorrow is monday. The start of a new week. Still trying to work out what i'm going to do, wether it be a fast for a few days and some restriction, or just a fast. I don't know what to do.

I feel like complete crap :o(

What are everyone elses plans for the forthcoming week, food/ exercise wise?

xxx

Today is a new start for me.
Ate some cookies, but I worked them off (I hope)
I don't plan on eating again.....but who knows?
If I do, workout workout workout.
I don't purge anymore.
I realized that I'm alread killing myself slowly with anorexia....I don't need to speed it up with purging
Yeah, it's gonna be hard, Really hard.
But I dunno, just something I feel like I need to do
Back to 92. NOT happy with that. I wanna cut it all off DX
Hope you lovelies are doing better. Remember, you are beautiful no matter what the mirror says.

( rant )

hey everyone! thanks for the support yesterday. everything went well. i didnt binge at the movies or at any time yesterday :)

today i havent eaten anything yet, and im planning on having a clementine (30) and soup (60) for lunch, and jell-o (10) and carrots (25) later on for a snack. im not having dinner today because im going out with my friend around 7. jesus, i can;t wait to go back to school so i dont have to do any of this sneaking around bullshit. haha

hope everyone else's day is going well! :)

Malgosia Bela in Vogue Nippon Beauty January 2010, Kamo on Top.

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Toni Garrn in Vogue Germany January 2010, Holiday.

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